Of how I met my wife.
So kids. There I was, an eighteen year old girl, freezing my hopes, writing a sad sad journal thinking that my sex life was never going to start.
But life has a really funny way of working, the wheel of fortune was about to start giving its first turn for me.
I met this one girl on the website, she had dark and long hair... and eventually I found out that her soul was equally dark as her eyeliner. She was messy, trying the whole look of misunderstood and suffering artist. I actually never bought her crap. To be quite honest I just wanted to get lade, and she came to me as a first real possibility. I didn't wanted to fall in love, I just wanted to see what was the big deal, why was everyone around me taking birth control pills or buying condoms? What was so amazing about touching another persons body, and being naked? (whick oh my god I was sooo afraid of)
So, we started talking. I spent many nights up untill indicent hours talking with her and some of the other cool girls I've met there. I used to ask these girls any information that they might gave me about the pheromone world. I really didn't know anything: where to go, the type of girls that you might see, the bitch-ass-whores you NEEDED to stay away from, etc.
My passed experience had a pseudo-ex who turned out to be straight and my secret love for The L Word (which I watched hidden from my dad). And that was pretty much it, I mean, I knew gay people, danced in their places in my tiny hometown, but I never got to be the star of the story. Always a sidekick...
Now I wanted the attention. I wanted to be a sexy girl who could re-write her story and be a sort of femme fatale while nobody there knew me at all.
And at first it worked. But kids, you have to understand something. You may variate some aspects of your physical appearence, but your "core", that thing so special that makes you who you are, that cannot be changed. Not ever.
And I wasn't build to be a femme fatale, a heartless bitch who didn't give a fuck. Yes, I am selfish, I give you that. But a hard-core woman? An ice-castle princess? No can do.
It turned out to be like that for the blacked-eyed girl. She didn't care about anyone but herself, she was so caught inside her ego that she forgot about me and started dating one of the girls with hom I was talking at the time. The tiny and smart.
Of course, I suspected that something was funny at the time, and since I wasn't in love nor falling for her, I decided to wait and see what would happen when I returned to Chile.
I was correct.
First, the tiny and smart girl came to see me, the day after my arrival from France. A flight that I rather enjoyed while a priest was sitting next to me, and while I discovered that he flew with his whole family, car and nanny included... priest and poverty vow my ass... We also shared the same Latin teacher. A small word indeed.
So, back to the first encounter.
Tiny-smart girl talked to me back then and asked me weather if I liked black-eyeliner girl. I had to say yes, of course, because I had to make a mark on my future sex-interest. However, when we met in Chile she told me that they were dating eachother. I'm not going to lie, I felt like everything I did was going in the wrong direction. Wasn't the wheel of fortune spinning to get me in its top?
Never the less, I accepted it. Was there anything else for me to do?
I pictured mysefl throwing tiny-smart girl to the street... but as I said, I wasn't build to be a hard-core witch who harms girls just because they "stole" something from me.
And if they wanted to be together, who was I to be in their way? So I smiled at tiny-smart, told her everything was ok: I didn't love her (this was true), I wasn't mad (that was a lie) and we could keep on being friends (that turned out to be true, even though I said it to be polite).
Before this time I only tried to be with a girl once in Santiago, and once in Arica. They both ended in the worst way they could end: the first one ended with me going nuts for 6 months, the second one ended with me looking over my shoulder every two seconds 'cause I thought I was going to get beaten by the girl's buddies.
But that's for the next episode. Stay tunned.