viernes, 30 de diciembre de 2011

Kids, this is the story

Of how I met my wife.

So kids. There I was, an eighteen year old girl, freezing my hopes, writing a sad sad journal thinking that my sex life was never going to start.
But life has a really funny way of working, the wheel of fortune was about to start giving its first turn for me.

I met this one girl on the website, she had dark and long hair... and eventually I found out that her soul was equally dark as her eyeliner. She was messy, trying the whole look of misunderstood and suffering artist. I actually never bought her crap. To be quite honest I just wanted to get lade, and she came to me as a first real possibility. I didn't wanted to fall in love, I just wanted to see what was the big deal, why was everyone around me taking birth control pills or buying condoms? What was so amazing about touching another persons body, and being naked? (whick oh my god I was sooo afraid of)

So, we started talking. I spent many nights up untill indicent hours talking with her and some of the other cool girls I've met there. I used to ask these girls any information that they might gave me about the pheromone world. I really didn't know anything: where to go, the type of girls that you might see, the bitch-ass-whores you NEEDED to stay away from, etc.
My passed experience had a pseudo-ex who turned out to be straight and my secret love for The L Word (which I watched hidden from my dad). And that was pretty much it, I mean, I knew gay people, danced in their places in my tiny hometown, but I never got to be the star of the story. Always a sidekick...
Now I wanted the attention. I wanted to be a sexy girl who could re-write her story and be a sort of femme fatale while nobody there knew me at all.

And at first it worked. But kids, you have to understand something. You may variate some aspects of your physical appearence, but your "core", that thing so special that makes you who you are, that cannot be changed. Not ever.
And I wasn't build to be a femme fatale, a heartless bitch who didn't give a fuck. Yes, I am selfish, I give you that. But a hard-core woman? An ice-castle princess? No can do.

It turned out to be like that for the blacked-eyed girl. She didn't care about anyone but herself, she was so caught inside her ego that she forgot about me and started dating one of the girls with hom I was talking at the time. The tiny and smart.
Of course, I suspected that something was funny at the time, and since I wasn't in love nor falling for her, I decided to wait and see what would happen when I returned to Chile.
I was correct.
First, the tiny and smart girl came to see me, the day after my arrival from France. A flight that I rather enjoyed while a priest was sitting next to me, and while I discovered that he flew with his whole family, car and nanny included... priest and poverty vow my ass... We also shared the same Latin teacher. A small word indeed.

So, back to the first encounter.
Tiny-smart girl talked to me back then and asked me weather if I liked black-eyeliner girl. I had to say yes, of course, because I had to make a mark on my future sex-interest. However, when we met in Chile she told me that they were dating eachother. I'm not going to lie, I felt like everything I did was going in the wrong direction. Wasn't the wheel of fortune spinning to get me in its top?
Never the less, I accepted it. Was there anything else for me to do?
I pictured mysefl throwing tiny-smart girl to the street... but as I said, I wasn't build to be a hard-core witch who harms girls just because they "stole" something from me.
And if they wanted to be together, who was I to be in their way? So I smiled at tiny-smart, told her everything was ok: I didn't love her (this was true), I wasn't mad (that was a lie) and we could keep on being friends (that turned out to be true, even though I said it to be polite).

Before this time I only tried to be with a girl once in Santiago, and once in Arica. They both ended in the worst way they could end: the first one ended with me going nuts for 6 months, the second one ended with me looking over my shoulder every two seconds 'cause I thought I was going to get beaten by the girl's buddies.

But that's for the next episode. Stay tunned.

martes, 27 de diciembre de 2011

Kids, this is the story

Of How I Met My Wife.

One day, on 2008, I was sitting on my mom's desk in Nantes, freezing my ass off, melting my brain, and watching old movies and anime series, pretty cool huh?
Nope. It wasn't cool.


I woke up, exercised, and then stayed on the computer 'till 4 a.m. to do a fresh start the next day. You may wonder why, if I was on the land of the cheese and the home of baguette, why didn't I just fly away to the wonders that Nantes had for me at that time?
One simple reason. I was poor as hell. The most exiting sightseeing I got to do was walking through the streets on my way to work. Yes, that's right, I was working as a housekeeper for one of my mom's friends, who was also chilean and may I say, VERY VERY MESSY.
Dust and rests of food where to be found even behind the couch, under the bed. Windows had a thick layer of mold and old spider webs. I'm telling you: it was pretty bad, the tartar accumulated on the shower floor was so thick I had to use a knife to scratch it off.
In the nights my boss' daughter took me out to some local pubs, but the law banned all smokers to the outside areas, so there I stood: single, cold, smoking a cigarette that took me ages to put together (I wasn't going to buy a pack of ciggies being so expensive and all). And back then, feeling a weird mixture of sad, lonely, and horney (hence, the morning exercise ritually practiced).

You might think that it was the worst vacation ever, but there was one miracle that turned into something awesome, a marvelous invention that we all know as the Internet.
You see, months before one of my best friends convinced me to join this ridiculous (at the time) website called (yes, I'm going to translate it to make it even more corny) Shadows. Even the name itself was calling for pheromone-loaded tragedy.
However, there I got to meet the two funniest girls, one was tiny and smart, the other was tall and simply hilarious. They showed me how to party on the Gay Zone of Santiago, and also they teached me the fine art of drawing oneself a mustache while being drunk thanks to vodka, and also how to dance ballet -let's call that dancing ballet since I can find no other expression- in the streets at 3 in the morning.

I also got to meet two or three girls more. They gave me planty aches, both from the head and from the heart. But that I'll tell you later.

Spoiler alert: I get to keep one of the girls that I met on that stupid pheromone-loaded website.

domingo, 25 de diciembre de 2011

Ice castle

Al parecer no hay navidad sin el hielo alrededor.
Toda esta semana ha sido, por no decirlo menos, de locos.
No hay formas ni maneras de derretir esos bloques al comienzo, ni siquiera con cenas suntuosas o regalos fantásticos.
Por un momento entré en pánico, sentí que el Grinch me había robado mi regalo. El regalo más bonito que vi tiritando en la tina.
Una bicicleta más o un corazón trizado menos... el mayor regalo de todos es estar contigo.

Aunque sea rodeadas de hielo.

[El amor mantiene vivo el amor. Dicen por ahí]

lunes, 19 de diciembre de 2011


Este fin de semana tuve lo que muchas personas llamarían "colaCso". Fue como si alguien hubiese abierto mi nuca y arrancado todos los nervios de un tirón, mientras un ginecólogo me miraba con ojos exorbitantes y me mandaba a hacer pruebas que involucraban beber litros de agua.
Todo pudo haber sido horrible, desesperante, angustiante... pero no lo fue, porque estabas tú conmigo.
Podría haber estado sola, tosiendo mis amígdalas, comiendo atún con atún y mayo, y contorsionándome bajo mis manos que sostuvieran mis toallas húmedas. Pero no estuve así, porque había una personilla ahí conmigo.
Podría haberme caído cuando el mundo me dio vueltas, y podría haberme quedado dormida en la tina, enfriándome al ritmo de la fiebre satánica que lo único que me provocaba era dolor, tiritones y sueño. Pero no me pasó nada, porque ¡oh sorpresa! tenía una Andrea ahí conmigo.

Sinceramente. No se qué estrella se reventó y te hizo para mi, pero todas las noches doy las gracias porque su curvatura y dirección vectorial le hayan permitido descansar tu cuerpo cerca del mío. Solo espero poder devolverte todo lo que me das algún día, y no me importa si viene con intereses.

viernes, 16 de diciembre de 2011

lunes, 12 de diciembre de 2011


Sounds of laughter, shades of life
Are ringing through my opened ears
Inciting and inviting me.
Limitless undying love, which
Shines around me like a million suns,
It calls me on and on across the universe.

Nothing's gonna change our world.

martes, 6 de diciembre de 2011

Oh crappy day!

Cuando te dicen que no: no congresos, no a donar sangre, no a paseos, no a los sietes, no a usar ambas manos, no a la bicicleta... no a la misma maña...

Sólo cabe preguntarse, ¿qué haría la Mujer Maravilla?